Two months ago I took these photo’s of my Nanna as we listened to stories about her life and ate fish and chips for lunch.
Just 8 days ago, I sat in a chair next to my Nanna’s bed in Concord Hospital, chatting about life, about death, about family and friends. Her telling me the kind of man I should be with. Her telling me how much my mum loves me (not that I needed to be told) her telling me how much she loves my mum (not that she needed to say). We sat eating cheese and biscuits poking fun at her gay doctor’s strange clothing choices, she told him his jacket was nice and laughed so hard when he actually believed her. She has a wicked sense of humor which has not for one moment left her as she slips away from us. What also has not left her is her bossyness, as I helped her up to go to the bathroom she snapped orders at me and I will even cherish those moments.
Today, I sat next to her bed and watched her slip in and out of consciousness, no longer able to get out of bed as she now has 2 broken hips, her bones are so brittle and breaking so easy. He eyesight has failed in just a matter of days and when she is awake she is not making much sense. My mum told me today how the other day she was mumbling something to her and my Aunt and neither could understand what she was saying until she clearly states “I have two stupid daughters” too funny she is.
My sister has been collecting stories from Nanna’s amazing memory vault, she has been writing them down however Nan has started to slip so much faster than we thought and Jade has not able to get too many stories. As they say, “When an old man dies, a library burns down” in this case, an old woman. With her goes so many stories, so many amazing recipes and so much history, so much heart and so much soul.
Yesterday was my Pop’s birthday, Jade said she had a feeling that she might go yesterday, that Pop was there pulling her from us for his birthday party. We received a call at 9pm saying she may not make it through the night, we sit and play a horrible waiting game and I hope it happens soon, it’s time and she is ready to go, we have said goodbye.
As I said in my ANZAC Day post, it will be her strength and wisdom that will pull me though this, her words will forever be on my mind “everyone has a beginning and an end”.
I love you Nanna from the bottom of my soul, I have no doubt I will see you and Pop again, I hope I have made and continue to make you both proud. I miss you already.
Let go now.
I have one regret. Being a photographer I always have a camera in hand.. I don’t have a photo of my nan and me!
And with a tear in my eye, give me the sweetest goodbye that I ever did receive.